An Answer to the Question, “Why Didn’t God Give the Terrorists Massive Coronaries Before They Hit the Twin
Towers?” - Matthew Albie, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Disclaimer: I have done research online on many, many
sites, gleaning the basic ideas for this particular post. Needless to say there are numerous articles
out there regarding parenting and sibling rivalry. I’ve done my best to take the similar
information from these articles and put them together to, I hope, best
demonstrate what is being said and how it relates to my point. My resources have included:
- Webmd.com
- Psychologies.co.uk
- Psychologytoday.com
- Parenting.com
- GlobalPost.com
Sibling
Rivalry
Older children have an intense need to measure up at home
and get positive feedback from their parents. Often conflict arises because
children feel they are competing with their siblings for this attention. Avoid
comparing your children to each other.
If there is an issue going on between the siblings in your
house, don't be discouraged. Dealing with this conflict often serves as a
useful training exercise in which siblings gain experience in
overcoming problems.
Like much of parenting, responding to sibling rivalry
involves walking a fine line. Often parents allow siblings to work out problems
on their own and not play favorites.
Teach your children negotiation and compromise then let your
kids resolve their own issues.
Rivalry continues into adulthood and can become a bitter
conflict. Even when parents do their
best at loving and respecting all of their children, the influence of siblings
on one another can be enormous.
It’s important to accept that siblings will fight. By allowing them to experience their
emotions, a parent allows the child to develop a sense of responsibility. This is
the foundation of emotional health.
To get to this point, all sides have to want to make peace, and they also have
to want it at the same time. If a dialogue is begun when one person isn’t ready
you guarantee that any reconciliation will be artificial and create a bigger
breach between those involved. It’s hard to find just the right amount of
space to put between brothers and sisters.
Sibling relationships are deeply ambivalent by nature, and
they are fueled by both love and hate. Recognizing and accepting this is a
sign of maturity. It allows us to create distance and to find a way of living
in peace.
"Our Father Who Art in Heaven" - The Ultimate Parent
1 John 3: 1-2
1 See what love the Father has given us that we should
be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does
not know us is that it did not know him.
2 Beloved, we are God's children now; what we will be has not yet
been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be
like him, for we will see him as he is.
1 John 3: 18
18 Little children, let us love, not in word or speech,
but in truth and action.
Luke 11:2
2 He said to them, "When you pray, say:
Father, hallowed be your name…
Matthew 6:9
9 "Pray then in this way: Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
The following text in italics is directly from an article in Everydaylife.globalpost.com b
y Eliza Martinez about parents of adult siblings that still have a rivalry between them.
For Parents
Step 1
Avoid comparisons
among your adult children... children always want to please their parents, no
matter their ages. Don't compare your kids' jobs, children, spouses, financial
situations or homes.
Step 2
Talk to your kids... Help your children come up with solutions for their rivalry that can help avoid
fights and conflict. Maybe they'll agree to disagree, decide to make certain
topics of conversation off limits and agree to walk away from when things get
heated so they can calm down.
Despite what many people want to believe, God is still
speaking to us. We may just not want to
hear what’s being said or are not mature enough to understand. If you are
a parent yourself, you may have an idea of how frustrating this is.
Step 3
Stay out of the
sibling rivalry. Clearly tell your children that you won't take sides and don't
want to be part of their fights and disagreements. This doesn't mean you can't
offer advice and a listening ear when your kids need you, but if they know
that's as far as it goes, eventually they won't even come to you with their
disputes.
Step 4
Encourage your kids to
see each other's points of view. You raised them, but that doesn't mean they
think, react or feel things the same way. They each bring their own baggage and
personality to the sibling relationships and helping each see their siblings'
sides can help your kids understand each other.
Step 5
Seek help. If all else
fails, help your kids find a neutral person to assist them in working through
their issues. A family therapist is an ideal choice because she can work
through emotions with siblings and work with them to come to a resolution to
the issues they face. This can help your kids create and maintain a healthy and
fulfilling relationship throughout adulthood.
For Siblings
Step 1
Avoid trying to change
your siblings. Despite a similar upbringing, you each have your own
personalities, likes and dislikes, so it goes to follow that you aren't the
same person. Instead, accept your differences and embrace that they make your
relationships unique.
Step 2
Don't compete with
each other. This doesn't mean that you won't get jealous of your siblings'
successes, particularly if those successes are something that you'd like to
have as well. The trick to is to keep that to yourself and congratulate your
siblings on their new jobs, marriages, babies or big raises instead of trying
to one up them with your brand new car or bigger house.
Step 3
Talk to your siblings.
Arrange times when you can sit down together without outside distraction and
hash out the problems in your relationships. Work together to come up with
solutions. This might even mean taking turns going to family functions where
emotions run high and conflict occurs.
Step 4
Spend time together in
neutral locations. Perhaps you could meet for coffee once a week or have dinner
at a restaurant once a month. This lets you create shared experiences away from
the life events that cause conflict -- at the same time, being in public can
help prevent you from coming to blows.
We have probably all asked our parents Why? before, and not gotten an answer we were satisfied
with.
God is the Ultimate parent.
There is no better.
God provides.
We have
the ability to learn, invent, discover, be curious, and explore. With all of these skills that God has
provided us, we can do anything if we put our minds to it, from growing our own
crops to use for clothing and food, to curing deadly diseases. We can even learn to build transportation
that will allow us to explore more of God’s great creation outside of the planet
God put us on. God has provided us with
what we need to survive. It’s our responsibility
to use those gifts to help each other.
