More History is Made in My Lifetime

A great step forward in history was made recently when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that bans on Gay Marriage were unconstitutional.  So, Gay Marriage is now officially legal nationwide in the United States of America.

My first reaction was, "It is about time!"

This of course will bring on the newest tirade of Conservative Christians who will be quoting the Bible to make their point.  If you have read my posts from the beginning you already know my arguments for things that happen that outwardly appear to contradict the Bible so I won't go through it again now.

I will include my own quotes from the Bible that have had a very profound effect on me and went as far as inspiring a piece I did over a decade ago.  The text written on the painting are the 3 verses listed below.

Love is Love

1 John 4:7-8 - (7) Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. (8) Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4: 16 - (16) ...God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.

1 John 4:20 - (20) Those who say, "I love God," and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.

Marriage is about love and commitment.  True Love will never be unnatural or immoral.

Why are Some People Still so Stupid?

Thanks to the many places we've had the privilege to live, my son has had friends in his life since birth that were as varied as you can get. In fact more than once, as the only white male among the neighborhood kids, he was actually the minority among his peers. 

To my son, everyone is a potential friend unless that individual does something to hurt him or make him sad in some way. If that happens, he moves on to the next potential friend. Only recently has he begun to notice that some people don't like other people just because they are different from themselves. He doesn't understand why.

I am unable to give him a satisfactory answer when the question comes up because frankly I don't understand why either. I've finally come up with an answer that may not be completely satisfactory but that I believe is accurate. The answer is: 

Some people are just Stupid.

Whenever I give this answer to my son, I make sure that I include that yes, stupid is not a nice thing to say about anyone.  However, I also stipulate that in this case, its really the best way to describe individuals who hate entire groups of people for ridiculous reasons.

I have had the fortune in my life to be raised by parents who taught me to treat people as individuals.  If I don't like a person or fear a person or just can't stand to be around a person, its because I've gotten to know them on some personal level or another and that individual has behaved or otherwise shown me that they are not someone I want to know well.

The easiest way to explain my Protestant Minister Dad's view on my friends or boyfriends is this:

If I came home with a non-Christian African American or other Black person and said we were getting married he would have welcomed him (or her for that matter) with open arms.  Well, OK, as open as any Daddy would welcome the person involved with his little girl.

Now, if this same person were to become abusive or otherwise harmful to me, my Dad would of course probably try to have them killed, or at least arrested. This would in no way be because of their Race, Religion, Sexual Orientation, etc.

As a result of my upbringing I have developed a wonderful circle of long distance friends who are either not white, or married to people who are not white.  I can't imagine not having any of these people in my life and recognize the fact that I probably wouldn't have even given any of them a second glance if I had been raised differently. One of my closest friend's husband is African American and her girls are the daughters I've never had.  They have been know to refer to me as one of their Aunts and my son and the oldest one are very close friends who often mention that they wish they were brother and sister.  We just tell them they are close enough to count as brother and sister.

So, now let us address how Racism applies to mixed couples and the children of those relationships.  One of the comments that I've heard regarding racism and mixed race offspring is that it is not natural.  The argument often used to try to justify this statement is that you don't see mixed babies in nature.  

This one "argument" really pinpoints just how ignorant the people are who think like this.

We see mixed race animals in nature and in domestic situations all the time.  If its not done purposefully its usually referred to as  "Mixed Breeds".  If its done on purpose we usually hear the phrase "Cross Breeds".

Cross breeding is a fact of life. In nature it often comes from situations where there are limited partners available within the same breed but can be found within the same species. In domestic situations it has become a business to improve the breed.  Horses and dogs are two common examples of cross-breeding.  When race horses are cross bred its usually for the purpose of making the next generation faster, stronger and / or better than the previous one.

Back in the late 80's I learned in my High School Biology class that its not physically possible for animals from different species to mate.  I also learned that especially when referring to the Human Species, genetically we have issues when we breed with others too close to our bloodlines, referred to as inbreeding.

To put this more simply, when 2 people who are too closely related have children, numerous birth defects can present themselves.  The more the inbreeding the worse the defects on the genetic level.

So, in order to finally wrap this up, here is the point.

Human Beings Are A Species.

Within Our Species There Area Several Breeds (Races).

We Were Not Designed To Keep Bloodlines Pure.

We Were Designed To Mix It Up.

Pure Bloodlines Are Not Natural.

Cross Breeding Makes Us Stronger And Better As A Species Both Physically And Mentally.

Anyone under the age of 40 who doesn't understand this needs to go back to High School Biology.  Anyone older who doesn't understand, ask your kids in High School.  If they don't know, they haven't been paying enough attention in Biology Class.

Personal Update

Hello from the "Land Down Under" aka Oz, aka Australia. I am now live from Karratha, WA (Western Australia). For those who don't know, I have accepted a posting at one of the local schools as their Visual Arts Facilitator. My purpose here is to create and teach a step by step Fine Arts Curriculum for K-12, create Procedure manuals and hopefully train someone local to take over after me. Their school year runs from January to December so I will be here and away from my wonderful family until Christmas. Both of my guys are being very supportive of this once in a life time opportunity.

Where I'm Coming From - Metaphorically

My inability to capture many of my thoughts can be very frustrating.  Every day my mind will wonder into imaginary conversations with various people. Usually the topic is Religion, how I “practice” my faith, and why I do it the way I do.

A large part of me feels that if I could capture the ideas of these imagined conversations and write them down they could potentially assist many others who struggle with faith, either their own or their lack thereof.

One idea that always returns to my head is that there is a perception that organized religion and God must be inclusive of each other.  One must exist for the other to exist. I don’t believe this. I do not believe that to be a good Christian, or Jew, or Muslim or anything else for that matter, you must regularly attend a place of worship and go through an excepted routine of ritual to prove your faith.

Before I progress too far with this incite to my Spirituality, I will share my religious history.

I am the daughter and granddaughter of Clergymen. My mother's father was a conservative Methodist minister, growing up my mother couldn't ever order an entree that had a wine sauce on it, I never saw that side, since he died when I was 16. He was the Grandparent I was closest to and I only saw the lovable and always smiling cuddly Grandpa that taught me how to use tools and gave great backrubs.  My Father is a liberal U.C.C. Minister. I also received my BA in Studio Art from a Methodist College where Old and New Testament classes were just as much a requirement for graduation as College Algebra and English 101

My brother and I grew up going to church every Sunday unless we were sick.  These mornings usually consisted of Sunday school, the Service, and then Fellowship hour. Church for me wasn't just a time to worship and follow my faith, it was a second home and the people were extended family, as is the case for many people.

When I was little, I loved watching the activities that the youth group did and couldn't wait to get old enough to do them too. I would love it when the ladies groups and adult groups met at the house, hear them talk, help when I was allowed and looked forward to growing up and being able to be a fully participating member of the club.

My church "home" was a place I could feel safe, be most myself, and comfortably be social.  I am very Social Phobic, something I've been working to overcome most of my life. By the time I reached 4th grade school was a torment that only got worse every year. Church was my social circle.  By High School my sole source of regular social activities was almost all Church related, either directly or outside but with people from there.  Church was the solid foundation of my life.  It was my safe place and the only place I was really at ease. I know that many people feel this way as a normal part of life and I will admit I sometimes envy them for it.

I lived the first 20 years of my life secure in this bubble.  I had built up protective walls around me in all other parts of my life, especially school, and worked very hard to be invisible.  Church was my comfort zone.  I believed that within its walls I could trust the people there regardless of who we were outside of church activities.

I was very naive.

The summer I turned 20 I lost all my faith in the church.  I learned that even within its alleged hallowed walls, people can still be manipulative, spread vicious rumors that have no foundation, and choose to deliberately cause harm with no thought of whom else may be collateral damage. I am still unable to write about the details of that summer. I will say that the few people I have related the experience to have shown me deep sympathy and understanding as to why I have been unable to heal from this enough to trust the Church as a place of safety again. I have made attempts recently to be involved in some very wonderful congregations.  There is still a tentativeness that I haven't been able to completely overcome but I am making progress

There is a Hindu tradition that "...teaches that all religions hold aspects of the divine" (Huffingtonpost.com 04.08.2015)

The story cited above reports about a short film called "Five" that presents to the audience the trust in faith that 5 children of 5 different world religions share.

I realize talking about this film appears like I've taken a hard turn off the subject.  I include it for a specific reason.  When I viewed the film, my first reaction was a small amount of jealousy. Jealousy that these children still held that complete trust of faith in the people they knew within each of their respective places of worship and that those houses of worship where completely connected to their faith in the Divine.  Once I guiltily brushed that feeling off, I was able to rejoice in the message of the film and what its message was trying to say.

Many would expect that to lose faith in the church would also equate to losing faith in God. This is not the case, not for me, and shouldn't be for anyone else.  I know better that to blame God for the pain and sadness caused by some of God's children.  Equally important, I know now that the whole experience was necessary to kick start me into developing into the person I am still becoming.  To stop being a blind follower and become more of a leader.  A leader who isn't afraid to step back, look around and question things that just don't seem right according to my understanding of our God as well as the teachings of Jesus Christ.

I look back at the rungs of the ladder that is my life and I know everything I've experienced has been important in helping me realize and appreciate what I have, as well as what we have as God's children and what we could accomplish with the materials He has given us if we would just get out heads out of our asses, stop squabbling about little stuff and work together.

Why "Following AFTER the Comma" ???

Why “Following after the Comma”?  Since I come from a line of English teachers, I should explain the whole meaning behind my chosen title for this series of thoughts, editorials and general wandering of the mind as it happens.

So, first, “Why the Comma?”

My Dad is a UCC (United Church of Christ) minister.  Even though I don’t attend church anymore, I still consider it my denomination as it follows a path of spirituality that is most closely in line with my own.

The best way to answer “Why the Comma” comes directly from the UCC God is Still Speaking campaign:

THE COMMA constantly reminds us of God’s boundless love.

THE COMMA reminds us that God is still speaking and that God speaks in multiple ways.

THE COMMA  carries the hope of God’s peace with justice; of religion relevant to our unique experiences; of the new light and truth still to break forth from God’s word.

THE COMMA reminds us that on our continuing faith journeys, God is still speaking. 

Click Image to order these Bookmarks

Now that you know where the Comma comes from let us contemplate the word Follow as it refers to my title.

Follow: To adhere to; practice: follow the Lord God.

In other words, "Following after the Comma" instead of "Following the Comma" or "After the Comma" refers to my spiritual path. I focus on what we have learned about God's Creation since the initial interpretations were gathered together in the Holy Scriptures. Each individual sect of God's Followers has their own version ie, the Holy Bible, the Torah, the Qur'an and so forth.  The one thing that they all have in common no matter which version or translation?  They all were spoken about and later written down during a time when everyone thought the world was flat and we were the center of God's creation. 

Since then we have learned a lot, including:

• The world is round not flat.
• The Sun does not orbit around the Earth, 
• We are not the center of our own Solar System or our own Galaxy, therefore we are not the center of God's universe.
• There have been many versions of human beings since our planet's creation, we're just the most recent.
• When you stare at the night sky, you are basically looking into forever.

We know so much more now about God's creation than they ever could have understood was possible.  All of these things and even more, like medical advances, DNA, and genetic characteristics, were there waiting for us to discover as we grew more able to learn and explore.

We must adjust our beliefs according to the information that we have discovered or we will never be able to appreciate just how glorious God's Gifts are.  My spiritual path includes following my understanding of God's Creation after the mental comma placed at the end of our recognized texts. God IS still speaking, we need to be brave enough to keep listening.

Why I'm Writing All of This

People need to feel good about faith again. They need to understand that it is OK to accept that not everything makes sense.  It’s OK to ask questions and to question answers.

It needs to be understood that when questioning our religion, it does not equal questioning our Faith or questioning God.  It is questioning the understanding, interpretations and probably the possible agendas of those before us that have been traditionally relied on to show us how to demonstrate our Belief, Faith, and Service to God.

God is perfect. Human Beings are not.

We are able to see all around us regularly how imperfect we are.  Even with our advances in communication how often are we supplied with incorrect information either accidentally or deliberately?  How often have we trusted that we were given complete, accurate and unbiased information only to discover later we were being manipulated for a specific agenda?  History is filled with such people and such misinformation causing trouble, anger, heartbreak and more.

Yet, so many of us cling to the interpretation, chosen materials and often second, third and four-thousandth hand knowledge of events that are considered fact as they were finally written down, copied by hand in less than ideal environments, and translated from language to language before they reached their current version.

Does this mean I don’t believe in the study of the Bible or the history of religion?  No. I believe the study of the past is always good in understanding the perceptions and the actions of those who came before us. How they saw God’s creation.  It also tells us how much they didn't know, couldn't see and had no opportunity of understanding just how vast God’s creation really is, how ancient it truly is and how small we really are within it.

I also believe that we are still growing and God’s guidance is around us everywhere. Yes, sometimes the results of that guidance may be misused by those who have been granted it, but that God is still speaking to us in innumerable ways and sometimes we actually listen well enough for the message to get through.

Prayer.  What is Prayer?  Prayer is speaking to God.  It is taking a moment to allow ourselves to clear our minds and focus mentally on speaking to God.

They say that the human brain is an incredible thing that we are only barely able to understand.  Our mental abilities still boggle the scientific field in many ways.  My favorite is psychosomatic pregnancy:  The need for a baby so badly that a woman's body will actually exhibit all the symptoms including lactation and swelling in the abdominal region.  We are sometimes able to focus so much on what we want that we will show physical symptoms of it.  Imagine what we could do if we worked together to focus that mental state all at once.  Oh wait, we do, in group prayer.

Do I believe that enough prayer can assist in healing others, either from physical or mental harm?  Yes.  I believe that when we are able to come together and focus as one, God allows us to assist our brothers and sisters in ways we couldn't do otherwise.

Many would ask then why these prayers don’t always appear to work.  My only answer is, they just weren't supposed to for reasons we aren't supposed to understand.

Growing up our parents didn't always explain why certain things had to be done a certain way, or why we weren't allowed to have or do something.  Or if they did we weren't usually happy about it or maybe didn't fully understand why, but it was always for our own good. As we get older these things often start to make sense.

As we, a people, mature socially, etc, perhaps we will be given the answers and finally be allowed to understand.  Until then, we will just have to be angry, sad or disappointed when things don’t go our way.  Life doesn't always seem fair but I know the more we work together, help each other and not continue to hurt each other, the better things will be.

Some Personal Thoughts: Marriage - Relationships - Monogamy

In honor of our 18th Wedding Anniversary, I decided to update and post an entry from my former blog that I wrote several years ago.

There are a number of stereotypes affiliated with Active Duty military and their spouses and based on my observations over the past 18 years, I can honestly say there is a valid reason for those stereotypes to exist. Consequently, there was been more than one occasion that I had to make it very clear to someone that I was NOT a stereotypical Navy Wife.

I've been asked before what makes a lasting marriage work and I've thought about it whenever I hear of anyone having their own relationship problems. Since there have been volumes written on the subject for decades and decades I won't bother trying to sound like an expert here. But in simple, one journal entry terms, based on my own experience and observations, I think I can put it in a nutshell with 3 words: LOVE, TRUST, and COMMUNICATION. Think of these together as the "tripod" of any relationship.  No 2 of these can stand erect without the 3rd. (2017 addition)

These 3 things are different but equally important aspects of any good relationship and must be the foundation for the rest of the relationship to be built on. If even one of these aspects is missing or weak, its unlikely that the other two will be able to support the relationship on their own. I'm sure at this point many are thinking things like "what about respect, similar personality, things in common, etc" these of course are also important, especially respect. In my opinion these often are linked to the basic 3 so they are understood as being there already.

LOVE (Starting with the most obvious)
Of course Love is what usually gets all this started. Most people have a pretty good idea what this is all about so I won't waste time saying to much.

COMMUNICATION
It is amazing how often I am talking to someone, or overhearing someone talk, about problems with their relationship and it comes out that all the issues they have with their partner they are talking about to everyone else BUT their partner. Contrary to apparent popular belief, a serious relationship does not cause a sudden onset of telepathy. If they don't know its broken, they can't fix it. In other words, if your significant other has done something that bothers you, unless they've done it on purpose, they can't make everything better if they don't know there is a problem to begin with. Stewing on an issue and waiting for it to fix itself will only cause a bigger issue to be created. If more happens and nothing is ever at least discussed to avoid further problems, then comes the wedge and invariably the end. Talk to each other. (And I do mean TALK not SCREAM) Listen to each other. Be willing to compromise. It may not be fun, it will probably be very uncomfortable at the least, but it can be the difference between a long lasting relationship and a really bad break-up with a potential soul mate.

TRUST
This subject still gets me. I am absolutely floored how many couples I've encountered who swear up and down they are in a fabulous relationship but will go ballistic if their partner even appears to look at someone else. If you are that insecure with your relationship, you shouldn't be in the relationship. If you have been in a previous relationship that your trust was betrayed, its understandable that you would be wary. To that end, if you've decided to commit to a new partner who has never done anything to make you not trust them, then you should trust them. If you can't, then you aren't ready to be in a new relationship yet. If you have a partner who won't trust you when there is no reason not to, you shouldn't be in the relationship. I've seen it over and over again, and it seems to be the fastest cause for things to go wrong.

People screw up, sometimes in a small way, sometimes spectacularly. Some mistakes can not be forgiven. Most can be IF the work is put in on both sides. I have the good fortune to be in a relationship that has never had to be deal with a major screw up. Like most, we've had our share of miscommunication problems, all of which we have managed to work out by discussing them. Or emailing, if we happen to be in different time zones at the time. Technology is wonderful. I also have the good fortune to be completely secure in my knowledge that I don't have to worry about what my husband may be doing when he's away from me, just as he is equally secure in what I do and don't do. So, since that is the case, we have fun being open with each other. If I see a cute female I know is about his type, I'll point her out. When he goes out, its often with single co-workers to places that are considered to be "target rich" environments. So what? We went through 7, six month separations in the 17.5 years he was active military, as well as numerous shorter versions that are too many to count and have never had a problem.

The first of these deployments began 7 months after we got married. Deployments include him going to foreign ports where entertainment of EVERY kind is so cheap its practically free. I knew this from the start. I also knew that when you are in a new place, have been working long hours and need to decompress, really stupid ideas can seem like really smart ideas when you are drunk on the local brew and all your companions are single and getting laid. So, I took the liberty of laying some ground rules for possible infractions.

1. Don't fall for anyone
2. Don't let anyone fall for you
3. Don't get anyone pregnant
4. Don't CATCH anything
5. Most importantly, tell me about it.

The last one may have many people raising eyebrows. I'm sorry to disappoint, but contrary to some more creative rumors we've had spread about us over the years, I'm not that kinky. I want to know about anything that happens because I don't want to be one of those wives who are the only ones who DON'T know. I can't say I won't be upset that something happened. I probably will be to some extent or another, but I guarantee, that will be nothing compared to how upset I'll be if I find out I'm the last to know. This may not work for everyone, but, I am a strong believer that the tighter you hold onto someone, the more you will probably push them away. Give each other room to breath you lessen the chance that you'll be driven to make mistakes. Also then, the mistakes you do make will be more easily fixable and forgivable.

Married 18 years
Husband's was Active Duty Military 17.5 years
Together 21 years
41 years old
Sexual intercourse with only 1 person my entire life. He's the first and only.

Go figure, we must be doing something right.

(2017 update - 21 years married and still going!)